Everybody else is doing it, so why can’t I?

My friend Batting Average Zero, an aficionado of Facebook despite my firm belief that he is too old to be involved with such shenanigans, has, strangely enough, a batting average of zero in this Facebook app or widget or whatever it is young’uns call it, which measures how “datable” (aka, fuckable) you are to other people in Facebook based on your profile. He’s 0 for 31 last I heard, which is deplorable. Although, as is often the case, his real-life average, versus his perceived virtual one, is heaps better.

Because I don’t have Facebook I don’t have stats of my own, which is probably good because I’m competitive and I know I wouldn’t be happy with the results either way. I’m no duckling, but I’m not going to win any beauty contests either, you know. I mean, I don’t think I’d classify as beer-goggles pretty (you know, someone who seems cute when you’re drunk, and then the next morning you wake up and go, wtf - oh wait HAHA Muffin memories) but obviously there are boatloads, heck, entire populations of women more attractive than me. In college when frat guys used to run around during Feb 14 giving half-wilted roses to pretty girls, I never got one.

Like my friend Batting Average Zero, I fare better when the opposite sex kind of, you know, talks to me first and figures out I’ve got a brain. But pictures? I do terrible pictures. Flirting? I’m a terrible flirt, like embarrassingly terrible. Like, wince “The Office” terrible. I do “good friend” flirting, not even 100% successfully at that, but much, much better on the eyes for everyone involved.

I asked the boyfriend who he thought was more attractive, I or my sister, and he hesitated. I mean, I knew that, but it still kind of sucks.

About six years ago some of my friends and I were talking about whether we wanted to be the “attractive” one in a relationship, or whether we would rather have a really really hot boyfriend/girlfriend. I said I wanted to be the hot one. Just because. And then we met this guy who was super cute and super intelligent and who knew all the right things: Douglas Adams, physics, perfect English grammar. He seemed to like me enough to tell me once that he noticed I put my tongue out a little when I smoked (this was years ago). He said he thought my old, ratty Taz t-shirt was cool. Monica and JJ and I were talking about him one night, half drunk. “I think he’s too cute for me”, I said. “I don’t think I deserve to go out with someone who’s that attractive”, meaning that I obviously would not be the hot one in that relationship, if it were ever to happen. “I agree”, Mon said. Way to be a good friend, haha. Needless to say, despite the other guy’s cuteness, JJ’s Introvoys playing won me over anyway.

I guess the point of this whole essay is, my insecurities are therapy-level. Oh wait, I already know that. Haha. No, I’m just curious about how easy it really is for attractive people to be considered “datable”, and how much value do looks really have. I never really “dated” people so I don’t really know; I’ve always just sort of had friends and then we started taking each other’s clothes off one day. So for those who’ve had the luxury of being asked for numbers by random strangers, or getting roses from spoiled frat boys, I’m curious as to how it feels.

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 20th, 2008 at 12.05.am and is filed under Hottness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.