Everybody else is doing it, so why can’t I?

File under: Day 65 of Ina’s Forced Sabbatical about Who She Is (recommended by my shrink, one Joseph James)

Turns out that the Onion A.V Club have this term for what I think I wanted to be really badly when I was younger, which is why I kind of still am at a limbo, which is sad because I’m going to be 28 in three weeks and I can’t believe I wasted so much fucking time trying so fucking hard.

They call her the Manic Pixie Dream Girl - she’s eloquent, she’s opinionated, she’s street-smart. She’s tomboyish but not so much that you don’t notice that she’s kind of cute. She’s strange but not cookoo; alluring but not in a deodorant commercial way, more like an interesting, trippy kind. The thing is, I now understand that I was apparently on a personal mission to be this girl when I was younger - to be the friend that grows on you; the odd girl who becomes your salvation once you fall out of love with the prom queens and their perfect teeth; the ones you have intelligent conversations with and teaches you words like “trepidation”.

No harm in being a girl like that - they seem like a nice enough breed - more interesting than what the prom queens grow up to be I guess - but I guess for me when I was in college or early 20s and in this situation I was tackling it, it seems, in reverse.

You become a Manic Pixie Dream Girl by yourself first, and then other people see that; not the other way around. I was trying too fucking hard, setting these characteristics and trying to build myself around them like I was an avatar that I was developing from scratch. Haha. Must have watched Reality Bites one too many times and wanted to be Lelaina so bad. She’s not in the Onion AV CLub list, but if there was a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, she was it.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 at 10.17.pm and is filed under Not that you're Interested in my Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.