About Me&

  • A rock star who eats burgers with such delicacy that he’s never had a ketchup mustache.
  • Willy Wonka the pedophile and he messes up Charlie’s life.
  • A small girl with big steps, who drives like a maniac while sitting on a phone directory.
  • He stops in the middle of the story. I don’t remember what the story’s about. Some snooty-looking lady was berating the Romanian girl on minimum wage behind the counter; she’d sliced the bread into thin slices instead of thick ones. Index finger wagging like crazy, poking the bread with her perfectly manicured tips. She was refusing to pay; she wanted to talk to the manager; she said, Stupid!
    Beside the snooty lady was an obese boy, her son, slobbering over an ice cream cone, nosetip burgundy with dried chocolate ice cream. I don’t understand how they can do that, he says, they’re setting the worst example for their kid.
    For an instant, my heart swells, gives out a little giggle of adolescent adoration. How noble, it says, how kind. And then the brain kicks in, says, stupid bitch, don’t overreact, he’s just being decent. How gullible the heart.
  • Writing well is manipulating metaphors.
  • A rememberer of birthdays, a giver of well-thought-out gifts.